I’m not one of those guys who goes nuts at Bed, Bath & Beyond. I hardly ever apply hand lotion. I see my father when I look in the mirror, but I don’t put age-defying cream on the bags that have developed under my eyes. Not a drop of Axe body spray has ever touched my frame. And I have never ever had a professional–or even an unprofessional–manicure. So I was underwhelmed when I walked into the bathroom last night and noticed that my wife had received some lemon-glycerine hand soap as a gift. Then I squirted some on my hands. The texture! The scent! It was like I’d never used hand soap before. How had I managed to miss out on this delightfully sensual personal hygiene experience during the first 60 years of my life? Will I ever be satisfied with Dial again? Will Zest ever be zesty again? Not likely.
The surprising experience got me to thinking about the things I buy that cost a bit more money but are truly worth the extra expense. At the automatic car wash I routinely choose the Good wash @ $4, refusing the machine’s repeated urgings to upgrade to Better @ $5 or Best @ $6 (Pre-soak and Undercarriage Rinse!) When it comes to fueling that vehicle, I figure gas is gas, and I go wherever it’s cheapest. And is there any reason to buy name-brand milk? Doesn’t it all come from the same cows?
But there are some things for which it doesn’t pay to go cheap. Spend the extra few cents. We all like to save money, but here are my top ten things that should not be on your list of “Ways We Can Cut Back”:
10. Shoes. If your feet aren’t happy, you’re not happy. Cheap shoes are uncomfortable and wear out more quickly. Go name-brand and make sure they fit your feet well.
9. Cheese. My folks struggled to feed four hungry kids on a shoestring budget. That meant Velveeta instead of real cheese. Once I left home and tasted a grilled-cheese sandwich that actually had cheese in it, I never went back. No Velveeta for me ever again, no matter how enticing they make it look in those TV commercials. I know the truth.
8. Orange Juice. See the above. When I was growing up, Tang was a luxury. Real orange juice was out of our financial reach. But there just is no comparison between the two. If you buy Tang because it’s half the price of OJ, then only buy OJ every other shopping trip. You’ll spend the same amount of money, and your taste buds will thank you for it.
7. Coffee. I was supremely happy and content with the grocery-store coffee that flowed out of my Mr. Coffee until I visited the big city and found this new place called Starbucks. I was reluctant to plunk down the cash at first ($2 for a cup of coffee! It costs 50 cents back home.), but at the first taste of that ebony nectar I was hooked. Whatever extra I pay for my morning cup of coffee-shop caffeine I receive back in the I-can-handle-anything-this-day-throws-at-me attitude that’s included free of charge with that first sip. Don’t go cheap on coffee.
6. Suits. Ever hear the expression “all over me like a cheap suit”? If you’ve ever tried to save a few bucks on menswear, you know where this slang phrase came from and what it means. Instead wait until you have the money and buy a decent suit. And make sure a professional tailor fits the suit for you. (And by professional tailor I don’t meant the guy who sold you the suit. His job is to sell you the suit; rely on a tailor to make you look good in it.)
5. Poptarts. A shout-out to a good friend for reminding me of this today. Generic toaster pastries are just not the same. Not at all. And I think her opinion would be the same for Oreos. Go name-brand.
4. Furniture. Three rooms of furniture for 699.99! This is almost never a good deal long-term. The end tables will wobble and collapse. The recliner will refuse to recline. The three-way lamp will dwindle down to one-way and eventually stop illuminating anything whatsoever. All before you’ve finished your EZ payment plan.
3. Chocolate Chips. Take my word for it, chocolate chips make the cookie. You’re going to all the trouble to make homemade cookies; don’t go cheap on the chips! They’re not real chocolate; they’re just brown waxy gunk.
2. Snowblowers. If it was a crime to abuse yard-maintenance machinery, I’d be a convicted felon. In the years since I bought a house that came with a long driveway, I’ve given my name-brand snowblower no respect at all. No tender loving care. Fill it up with gas when it runs out and then toss it in a corner of the garage after the final spring snowfall. And the next winter it starts right up, and we do it all over again. Every year. For 28 years. I love that thing.
1. Engagement Rings. If the gold flakes off her ring in between the Save the Date card and the wedding invitation, you’d better check to see if your parents can get a refund on the deposit they plunked down for the rehearsal dinner. And try to track down your cousin Louie who got you such a great deal on the ring.
Accepting Responsibility 