I make bad choices. I do my best to avoid them, but I make bad choices. My duty then is to accept responsibility for them by admitting them, apologizing to those whom I’ve hurt, and trying to make it right. I hope I can be forgiven by those affected by my mistake.
But sometimes the hardest person from whom to secure that forgiveness is myself. I hope I’m generous in forgiving others, in releasing myself from any lingering bitterness, in forgetting the disappointments of the past and in moving on to the greater achievements of the future.
But it’s hard to forgive myself. That’s grounded in my pride–arrogance really. While I’m willing to accept shortcomings in others, I expect more from myself. So when I really screw up badly, it throws me for a loop. I can’t believe I acted in such a fashion. I can’t let it go–even when those whom I’ve hurt have forgiven me.
I’m a left-brained, analytical person. I make lists. So years ago after a particularly poor choice had me mired in depression, I decided to devise a step-by-step process to pull myself out of the muck. Here it is:
- There is a God. I’m not Him.
- Because I’m not God, I am not perfect.
- Because I’m not perfect, I will make poor choices–big ones sometimes.
- My poor choices will hurt people, sometimes badly, sometimes the ones whom I love dearly.
- When I make a poor choice, I must accept responsibility for it.
- I accept responsibility by admitting it, apologizing for it, and trying to make things right. (Sometimes things are irretrievably broken because of me. I can’t fix them.)
- I will learn from my poor choice and commit not to make the same mistake twice.
- I will ask those whom I’ve hurt to forgive me. I’ll ask God to forgive me.
- Then I’ll forgive myself and move on.
- But I will still make mistakes. (See #1, #2 and #3 above.)